Bullying

This is close to my heart and lengthy. Everyone has their personal cross they have to bear. 

"I feel awful when I am embarrassed of my girl, when I want her to conform to social norms and act like the rest of the kids. That is not who she is, and I doubt she ever will be. In fact, I don't want her to be - that would mean that something broke her, and she gave up her exquisite self to be someone else, to fit in.

I need to put away my own pride and emotions in those situations and make sure that I support her in who she is when her individuality appears. That's difficult some days."- from the article.

Through a Stronger Lens: Fitting In

throughastrongerlens.blogspot.com

http://throughastrongerlens.blogspot.com/2014/02/fitting-in.html?m=1

I used to think this. Then I realized the truth...all children are awkward. They are all trying out boundaries and learning how to deal with people around them. 

Frankly, I rarely "fit in" in grade school. I was weird (maybe still am) because I looked adults in the eye and had conversations with them. I loved to sit and listen to old people tell stories. I wanted to follow rules and be good. I refused to follow clothing trends and be mean to unpopular kids. I enjoyed getting answers right in class and I liked to build things. I was and am a total tomboy (which I was told at a young age made the most attractive women  )

I got bullied in elementary school. It was only once; but it was seared into my heart and defined that I needed to be able to stand for right and stand alone. I don't even remember who the three girls were. I later found out that they were jealous that a boy I liked liked me (which I found out after I was married- go figure) and I assume the were upset that I got the lead in the after school program play. They cornered me on stage right, turned me into a curtain until I was wrapped up, then tapped my feet with a bat.

I don't remember how I got out, how they reacted, or how I got home. I remember sobbing in the back of my excessively long closet when I got home. Later I remembered wanting to die, to drown while I was taking a bath, to get away at age 11. 

I still performed in the school play and did brilliantly, (if I do say so myself) as Alice in Alice's Journey Through Wonderland. I succeeded in school with learning disabilities in the left brain. I studied hard classes at BYU and after 8 years of continued education now practice as a licensed massage therapist for amateur ad professional dancers.

I rose above.

I mentioned this to my mother a bit ago and was surprised that I had never told my parents. Then my mother told me a story her mother never heard. Children hold these things and ponder them; especially when they are ashamed.

I don't want my children to be the child who wrapped a little girl OR the one in the claustrophobic curtain.

I know I can't prevent all bullying, even church classes have that, but I will do my best. I don't want to break my children. I want them to have a sure foundation of strength, compassion and integrity.

I want to build them so that they will build others.